February last year I wrote an incident about how I rescued a baby gril Selvi from her alcoholic parents. The following was the post:
I BOUGHT A BABY FOR RS.500. DID I DO THE RIGHT THING?
My mentor Luise Hansen when visiting Kadalur last month, found a little baby, a girl child. A complete somalia-type under nourished baby with its alcoholic parents near a temple begging.
The mother of the baby was well and healthy. The father too was fine. They looked happy with begging and merry making. They seem to drink daily. They both were using the baby for begging. The mother pinched the baby, made it to cry and created a sense of pity for people who wanted to help them. That was how she got money. Believe me, the baby looked like a little monkey with very thin legs and hands. She looked like she was mentally retarded too.
Luise was moved and shocked and asked her if she can give the baby. The mother said, "Give me 500 rupees. You can have her". Luise and Aurelio werent prepared for this and they returned to Auroville.
The baby seemed to have apppeared sadly in Luise's dreams.
And on January 9th last month, I go with a couple of Svaram team guys, Gnanavel and Shanker to rescue the baby and admit it in a good orphanage. We got into a taxi, went to Kadalur, found the lady with the child. Took the mother and the child to an Orphanage near Ariyaankuppam. A good home for the homeless children. The person who was running the home was a young educated gentleman named Karthik. He checked the child and spoke to its mother (who just wanted to get rid of the baby for money as soon as possible!!) She said she will not ask the child back and asked us NOT to return to her at any circumstances.. What a mother! In a country where motherhood and femininity is the core strength, the most powerful bond that keeps the Indian families united...
Then after the formalities.. We promised to help the home and the child. Luise had given us some money which we gave to the home as an initial amount for the care.. We were happy that Mr.Karthik accepted the child. Later, we dropped the mother at her place and gave her Rs.500. She demanded for more. She insisted once again not to give the child back to her!! We left the place with a sigh.
Nearly after a month, I, Luise and Aurelio visited the home to see the child. Its health had improved a lot and it was smiling at us. It could recognize me and was smiling.. Seems she is not entally retarded. She still had cough though. She is safe and happy now. Her mother had called her Rajeshwari and Fatima(yes 2 names ). She had a new name now. Selvi..
Selvi now has a promising future. We are now her parents in a way.
Did we do the right thing by buying her from her mother?
---------------------That was the post-----
And now..
...... It has been almost 2 years since she has been rescued. I visited several times the Home that she is growing. She is so happy and identifies me so well. She regains her health, the children's home takes care of her so well, all the children love her immensely as she is the youngest of them all. She smiles at me, plays with me and is absolutely comfortable with me. She is being supported by my Austrian friends Luise Hansen and Aurelio. I have an inseperable bond with her..
And today The Sunday Times of India has carried a story about it. I am ofcourse happy. I wanted to share that story with you all.. here is the link:http://epaper.timesofindia.co...
I am teaming up with Rose, my sweet friend and sister, the Transgender Icon of India, to establish enterprises that will help to strengthen the Transgender community. That is the biggest reason why I am relocating to Chennai. We are just the two of us working in our own office in Chennai.
Meanwhile we have several ideas that we will workout together and implement. She will concentrate on Media and I will concentrate on IT. She is a mirror image of me and I am her. Darlings.. shower us your blessings to succeed in our endeavors.
I am getting very good career opportunities from the capital of the state. Yes, I am relocating to Chennai. I am looking for a place to live. A place which is simple, good and safe. I am looking in T Nagar, Saidapet, Kodambakkam, Anna nagar and nearby areas.
I am moving to Chennai between 15-25th August. It is a confirmed decision. I need to support my causes and can not depend on people always. My Sahodari Foundation should function in a big office at Pollachi and I need finance for that purpose. My move to Chennai is actually to a step to strengthen my Foundation's presence in Pollachi.
Besides that, I have some excellent ideas for the welfare of the Transgenders of Tamilnadu. For making my dreams into realities, I am joining hands with my buddy Rose.
Dudes, If you know a place which you think is good for me please let me know. I am willing to share space with a good person. Also am looking to be a paying guest. Help me dudes, to find a place. If you do have something in mind write to me at: aurokalki (at) gmail.com
My friends tell me that I look good in a saree and I should send my portfolio to modeling agencies. If I get opportunities from the fashion and modelling industry, I will definitely accept it. But for a cause. Sixty percent of my earnings out of my modeling assignments I will use for the empowerment projects of Sahodari Foundation. I think such exposures about Transwomen in the visual media would do good for others. But beauty shouldn't be the criteria for measuring up success. It should be skills, talent and intelligence.
Most Transwomen are still masculine and people harass them bsed on their looks. This discrimination is horrible.I had education and a well paid job, so I was able to do what I want. To remain with that masculinity or to become completely feminine is their choice but my point is, they shouldn't be suffering in the hands of society because of their looks. When will the society start to look at a person's inside? When will they stop measuring people just on their looks alone? My beauty, my talent, and everything that comes to me is God's and my parent's gift to me. That gift should pass on to people who don't have it.
Economic wellness and education can bring great change in the Transcommunity. That would put them on the pedastal.
In the Transgendered community, there are hundreds of Transpeople who are feminine but not necessarily womanly looking. These individuals are the most harassed, verbally and physically abused people in the society. While the beautiful ones escape in most situations, the different looking Transpeople suffer wherever they go. In India, a single transperson avoids traveling alone mostly. The only reason is to escape horrific experiences and nightmares. At the hands of public, these transpeople are subject to harassment, verbal and physical abuse. Many transwomen, when alone, have been kidnapped and raped. In Tamilnadu, many police personnel are friendly to Transwomen after attending the State's advocacy programmes. What about the situation in other states? Unimaginable horror. No safe life for a lonely Transwoman. That is the reason most Transwomen go out in groups to avoid such experiences.
Like every other citizen of this country, these Transwomen need to have rights, need to live dignified lives. The state and central governments should be clever enough to turn this problem into a solution. It is the governments' duty.
Here is a solution.
With their physical strength and bold nature, these Transwomen are the best choice for India's safety and security. They are perfectly fit for the country's Police and Military jobs. They are intelligent. They are not handicapped by being able to think only like a man or a woman. They think like both the sexes. They possess the strength of both. They are perfect as Spys, Investigative officers, Commandos, Bodyguards, Trainers as well as fit in all the highest rankings in both the Police and Military. With training and experience, they will be the best.
Till the end of my life, I will have to give all my energy and fight and win all the civil, legal and other rights for the gender variant people of this country including the transgenders. Sometimes in this tough journey, I might even face death (Rose and I were discussing about the possibility of that the other night) and I am ready to die for it. Bravely.
So is Rose too.
We won't run away like cowards. Never. I have gone through everything and dying for a cause will only be a courageous thing to do.
Kerala is a very male dominated state. I have never heard any stories of successful transwoman from the state. They are all fearfully hiding and can not struggle with the powerful dominations of men. Moreover, the state has its own culture which wouldn't fit even for the survival of the transgendered women.
I have met many pre-operated transsexual girls from Kerala and what I can find from them first is the way they hide their sexual identities. Thats so sad that they just can't be themselves. Atleast the next generation of trnaswomen should be bold and brave enough to come out openly and live successfully in their gender identities. Kerala should change and be embracing to times of change. I am crossing my fingers and waiting to visit the universities and colleges of Kerala and offer its students workshops/talks on gender expressions and transgender issues.
The whole month has been quite a busy month with a lot of activities on transgender issues and travelling, media interviews and attending meetings etc. Very fruitful month. It is so much fun indeed. Rose and I have planned a lot together and we hope to bring all our dreams into reality.
But besides all these, I have my mission which is burning like a shining light in my heart. My heart goes to the desperate people. I will have to do a lot for the transgender community. I would also include girl child and abandoned women in my role as an activist. Certianly I need to voice for them. Because a woman understands transwoman much better than a man does.
Moreover, I don't want to expect people to fund me for all the good causes I wish to do for the transcommunity. I will be commercially successful and will have to use my own resources to offer better lives to fellow sisters who are in need. Times are changing and transgirls need to stand up.
Svaram, Auroville gifted me with this wonderful SvaraVeena last year for helping them in their project to reach internationally through the website and other promotion work I did for them.
"The SvaraVeeena represents a whole class of ancient and folk string-instruments wherein each string stands for a single note without the possibility of altering the string length and pitch through fingering or frets." Check the project I worked : www.svaram.org
The exclusive story about me that appeared in The New Indian Express - Expresso issue on Monday (02-06-2008) was well written and very beautiful. I am happy that Anju, the young lady who interviewed me grasped my points very clearly. For me, what is very important is the message about Transgenders has to be out and clear. She did exactly that.
Though I was a little nervous, I did speak my mind and she was great. I love the press. A lot of youths in the press are doing fabulous job. Indeed, I have my Major in Journalism and Mass Communication. Wouldn't I love the media then? For the past few years, the press and the television media have been very good to the transgendered community. I am very satisfied about that. Many transgendered girls have to come and and showcase their talents in the limelight. It helps to break the myths about Transwomen.
Folks, for those of you who have missed my crazy dance video, once again I post it here. And please don't forget to give me a fresh rose or a dried one :( Please put on your speakers and watch this. okay?
Add your comments about this video on YouTube page (you need to have an account to comment). Love and kisses to you all! :) Cheers!!!!!!!
It is a blissful moment for all the transgender women here in Tamilnadu. The recent decision of the Tamilnadu goverment to direct the Universities to include a third category 'Transgender' as the third option in the gender column in the acamedic course application is a big step towards official recognition for the community. It is a hisorical day for the transgender community of the Tamilnadu state. Still for transgendered students it is going to be difficult to fill in it. They would want to tick the third option but if they are with their bilogical families, it is going to be difficult for them. There is a huge problem behind that and it is social. The benifits will not be immediate. It wll take a few more years for the inclusion to be active and useful because many transgenders are still not open fearing their families and societies.
For the past 15 years a lot of gender activists like Priyababu and Asha Bharati have been voicing for this cause. Today I thank them for their immense contribution in fighting for our rights and getting them. Thanks to the Tamilnadu goverment for its thoughtful and futuristic policies for the welfare of the Transgender community. There is a long way to go. Many battles to fight. The other day I and Rose were sharing a thought about the future of the community. So much to be done... we are still in the battle field and will be here.. till our deaths.
Here is me at the center in the black dress at the Halloween party at the American Pavillion in Auroville in 2007. With me are Ruby (right) and Karuna (left).
A very rare moment and a very rare opportunity for me to capture two snakes mating at night in the empty grassland of Auroville. I flew home to bring the camera and capture these moments. I am so happy to upload it on Youtube too. It was fun and scary.
I have seen many snakes in Auroville but not the mating. This was quite a scene. I wonder why snakes don't fear humans during their playtimes ?
Dancing is such a passion for me. It was my biggest wish to be a great dancer. However, I never wanted to be a great classical dancer. Though I have grace and talent, I was never encouraged from home to pursue dancing. My family was only into business and the ladies in to academics and house keeping. No art connections. Thus my wish to be a great dancer remains wrapped somewhere in my heart, but I do dance..
I never miss a chance to dance when there is an occasion or party. That is how I vent out all my fears and negetive energy too. It goes off with the drops of sweat. :)
My sweet buddy Rose is the first Transgendered female in India to host a TV show called 'Ippadikku Rose' meaning 'Says Rose'.She is so smart, so sweet and super sexy. We are super good friends. I was in Chennai with her for a Two days meeting on Gender issues. After the meeting, we were painting the town red!!
We were wearing red outfits. We had a rollicking time at the Marena beach meeting her gang of friends who had just come back from beating up a public nuisance gang. Oh God, they are bold and cool. Very smart and friendly people. We were riding in her Scooty day and night in Chennai. Chennai by night isn’t a safe place for a single female-even for two. We were followed and teased by many perverts (particularly 35+ frustrated men. We had to shout at them and warn them not to follow us. Poor Chennai girls. They are not free. I am angry and upset that men are like this in Chennai.I hope not all.
We had a mind boggling time at Spencer Plaza burning the whole building with our presence :). We didn’t shop. We were running around every floor and meeting her friends. We had a make over at a cosmetic shop. She has been frequenting the place for years and has built up some nice friendships. There was this guy in a bag shop who teased us so nastily when we passed by and we gave it back to him instantly and he was shocked and terrified. Rose even challenged his manhood.
Rose is very clear about what she wants in her life. We shared moments of our past – our happiness, our pains. Many similar bitter experiences. She reads Osho a lot and recommends me to read him. I will.
And secret..secret. We are venturing into some very exciting things together in the next couple of years. Wait and watch :)
Samabhavana Society, an NGO from Pune has drawn up a course, a Diploma in Gender, Sexuality and Human Rights for the educational institutes of Pune. This drew my attention very much. I believe this is the beginning. In many institutes across India, such a course for the youngsters is very essential.
Through Sahodari Foundation, my dream project, I believe in working with the Indian youth for getting the rights we deserve. The youth of today are the future leaders and policy makers of tomorrow. Awareness about this marginalised community in our society is absolutely an important task.
Discriminating the transgendered people exists even in some of the biggest academic institutions in India. Its a shame that even the inteligent youth, the toppers, aren't aware of the struggles of our community.
It is very important that they hear our voice, our life, our concerns. Through Sahodari Foundation (www.sahodari.org), I'd like to meet the youth and hold seminars/talks/interactiv e discussions on transgender issues. The students of Socialogy, Social Work and Human rights must definitely be aware of our struggles. I have been writing to the concerned department heads of the institutions for the possibility of offering seminars. I am waiting for their responses.
I know Bush had made fatal mistakes in his rank as the President of America. He and his father are quite famous for their political mistakes. But why would people make so many jokes and stories of him? Come on, he can't be that stupid and a complete dumbo sitting in the highest rank in the United States Office.
Even in India, so many Bush jokes are circulating. Why, Why, Why?
Power! And lots of confidence in oneself..
For a transwoman like me, a lot of willpower and decision making skills are required as my life isn't destined to be normal. I am, infact, trying to live a normal life but its becoming an impossibility. I meet and communicate with people and some admire, some loathe, and the rest remain calm.
I live as a female but the problem is when I wanted to be powerful, they label it as masculinity. For instance, I wanted to learn how to ride a bike, but people think its a male thing to do. However, when I wanted to learn how to drive a car, there isn't a comment about it. Is driving a car a Unisex thing? Infact, isnt a car bigger than a bike? And cars are expensive big machines.. right?
Thats the problem in being a female here. The stereotype thinking about femininity exists almost in all levels of society and if a transwoman goes a little off the track, its shocking for people. They tend to get confused and question the identities! But who cares... I have learnt to ride a bike, and its really really really fun!! I learnt to ride a Hero Honda 150CC. Call it a Heroine Honda now..; Yoyo!!
Acrylic abstract art is an interesting medium for me. I'd love to do abstract acrylic paintings in the future. May be 5-10 years later I'd certainly do.
I can certainly paint. Only that I didn't take an effort and didn't do it seriously. But it is in my to-do-list of the future.
Colors have fascinated me. Always. They, when looked deep, take you to the world of absolute magic and space. Colors. I love them.
Hey all, I am very excited to bring you this remix music video I have been making for the last 2 months. It isn't pucca, but I hope you'd love it. Its a song from the album DHOOM 2 (Tamil version). I enjoyed acting, filming it myself and editing it too. Please put on your speakers and watch this.
I'd love if you could add your comments about this video YouTube page (you need to have an account to comment). Love you all! :) Cheers!
I haven't met Rose yet who will be hosting the Talk Show at VijayTV. I am so happy and proud of her. Wonderful to know that she came out openly about herself. She would have heard about me through many of our common friends.
Surely I'd meet her someday in the future and there is so much we'd share. We both would have gone through a lot many similar experiences in life. May be we'd dance a number together?
You and me. We are what we think, aren't we? Worries, thoughts, imaginations, anger, disappointment, hoplessness. All these feelings, all these human vibrations happen to us mainly due to our external contact with people. What about our internal contact?
We can control and keeps the ropes of these horses in our hands. Do we need meditation and yoga as tools for controling it? No, just a smile at ourselves and carrying on to do what should be done.
What do I do when I am sad? When I feel depressed? I dress up extra beautiful, make myself bright. That helps me to keep my inner light glowing. Thats how I control my horses. Sometimes I fail, but mostly I win. I smile.
I am open hearted and love people. Thats makes me easy to make friends. But if people show hatred towards me, I try to know why. That isn't easy for me being a transgendered woman. I love the simple village folks with clean hearts rather than the educated, narrow minded urban city dwellers.
Sometimes even some people whom I would love to be close and respect try to take advantage of me. Last night, I had many horror dream sequences. I felt sad. Am I doing a mistake by being open and friendly with people regardless of their gender and social status? It is easy for me to understand both men and women. That is a blessing, at the same time I see that both the sexes have reservations and a border that differentiates them. I have no boundaries or border. But people do expect me to behave in certain ways. I don't know how to.
I don't do anything wrong.I don't hurt people. Yet, why am I being treated sometimes this way? I don't want to pity myself. I am just plainly confused and a little sad about people's attitude. It is a world of 2 sexes. And somebody beyond that is 'Abnormal'. Extreme boldness, extreme honesty, extreme courage, extreme love is also 'Abnormal'. I see the narrowness in this. I will do what I can to change this rather than be a spectator.
In December this year, I may have to move out of the house I am living now since the owner and friend Mauro comes back. Then what do I do? I have no where to go I guess. The New land may not suit me because it is not safe and there are no facilities (no shower most importantly). And Auroville has been struggling with Housing needs.
I am not even an Aurovillian yet and the Housing Board can not help me. Hey, Faith can. I believe, I will definitely have a house again. A beautiful one. I don't know how, when and who will give me. But I believe I will get one.
It is exciting for me to know that my life is unpredictable.
Auroville is a very special place in the world. I am so proud to be here. It is a spectacular mix of all cultures and all people.I am absolutely happy about how this city and the people living here, have adopted me...
Auroville is one of the Utopian cities in the world. I am so proud that it is in Tamilnadu. :)
I quickly gain weight and lose it. God, I wish I stay always same, in shape and slim. But it has been difficult even though I eat little and have been dancing and doing theatre. I have some flab on the sides... I love cycling and it helps me, but I need a fast and easy program to get that slim waist.. Any advice? I'd love it.
This is a little secret.. I have been mysteriously appearing to a friend and he is confused who this is really, appearing and disappearing... confused? Come to Verite and ask about the mysterious girl..
Reputed Indian cinematographer/Director Santhosh Sivan made a beautiful and touching film on the Indian Transgendered community called 'Navarasa'. It received National Film Award and several other film awards across the globe. Unfortunately, the movie did not reach the 99.9% of the audience because it was not a commercial film. Santhosh was busy in attending international film festivals and did not make any effort to make the film reach atleast the Transgendered community.
The purpose of the film, as I understood after watching it on DVD (given to me by a media student)was to create awareness about Transgendered people and their emotions, need for acceptance and suffering. However, I am angry towards Santhosh because he did not take efforts to make the film reach atleast some segments of the media and the public.
'Azhakooril' is a duet from the Tamil movie 'Thirumalai'. The melody, the singing, the locations, and Vijay's super sophisticated movements in this song always draws me to watch it several times.
Jothika's costumes, especially the white saree that she wears, is a beauty on her... Her expressions are as always - beautiful. This is one of my all time favourite tamil duets.
This song too provokes me to run to those places and dance. :)
Being beautiful was such an obsession for me. Not anymore. I still maintain my looks and am admired. I look good.. But I am aware that, beauty is not everything.
I have started to think about beauty's longevity in humans. Actually I don't have to worry about it as I know how to age gracefully. But I still think who would still be my friend if I became ugly one day?
I've been through it. And many of you who are reading this might have gone through it. Or, going through it. Losing your love, for no fault of yours. For just being yourself. Especially for us girls, its severe. Loosing self esteem, self confidence and at one point hating yourself for doing mistakes. And you are not sure it was a mistake at all. But you feel guilty. You even plan for revenge. But then decide that is a stupid thing to do. You just go through it.. Sometimes it takes months to forget the betrayal, sometimes years..
I was moved by this scene in this film 'Romance and Cigarettes' in which Kate Winslet talks about losing your love and then healing yourself. Mostly time does it over the years. You meet new people, new situations and then the little pieces of your soul that you lost come together. Still you feel that you have wasted so much time for that person you loved and lost.
Kalki - The life and times of an Indian transwoman..
February last year I wrote an incident about how I rescued a baby gril Selvi from her alcoholic parents. The following was the post:
Auroville is one of the Utopian cities in the world. I am so proud that it is in Tamilnadu. :)
