What is the use of me advocating for the betterment of the downtrodden Transwomen without actually experiencing their daily life. Experiencing what they go through. Being there, being with them. That can only happen when I am a part of them, doing what they do. For the past few months I was thinking about that. Thinking about begging.

And that is what I exactly did a couple of days before.

When I told my Transgender friends Soumya, Sandhya and Priya that I want to join them on their daily 'work' they wouldn’t believe me. But upon insisting several times, they agreed on me being a part of the group. They still didn’t believe I will go on the streets with them. Couple of days before, I joined them in the morning for work. In a way, they were happy I had come and joined them. Soumya, Sandhya, Priya , another elder Transwoman Barani and myself we were five. All of us live in the Saidapet area in Chennai and used to meet almost everyday, so I wasn’t a stranger to their lives. I am the sweet sister next street. So It was easy for me to join with them. We had our breakfast in a small restaurant and later hired an autorickshaw to go to the railway station. The place chosen for today’s work was Pallavaram which is around 15 kms away from Chennai, it is a suburb of Chennai city. At the railway station, we didn’t buy our tickets. We caught the train and in 20 minutes we were in Pallavaram.

When I got down with them from the train I had a little shivering inside. I am about to do something nobody would imagine I would ever do. But then what is the big deal? My fellow women are doing it everyday and I am doing it too. The only difference is I am doing it to know, to experience, to care, to voice, to fight, to be a part.

Once we got down the train and entered the busy streets, the sisters started hopping from shop to shop asking for money. Sowmya would say in Tamil, 'Brother, we are Aravaanis. We go to Koovagam every year. This year we are tying up the Thaali(mangalsutra). So please give us money. You will be blessed. Your family will be blessed. You will prosper in your business”. I just accompanied them wherever they go. Some shop keepers offer 5 rupees, some 10 and rarely 50 or 100. Many of them also gave 1 or 2 rupee coins. Most people offered atleast ten rupees. Barani would get angry when the shop owner gives 1 or 2 rupees. She would start to curse. The others would cool her down. The sun had began to heat up and I was already sweating. But I didn’t stop. In an hours time, I had learned the art of begging. Many people identified me as a Television personality but I declined. ‘I am not that person'– I would say. But to people who had read my biography in a leading Tamil newspaper and talked about it, I accepted that I am Kalki. I couldn’t understand their reactions and I don’t want to.

By mid afternoon, we had covered two streets of the bazaar and we were feeling terribly thirsty. It was hot and everyone was suffering in the heat. But they wouldn’t stop. If they found a juice place, they would ask for free juice and surprisingly the people were very happy to offer them fruit juices (lemonade, coloured soda). Women were more compassionate to Transgenders than men.

There were many people who didn’t want to give us money. Sisters would never say anything to such people but just move on to the next shop. Interestingly many shop owners wanted to be blessed by us. Priya or Barani would bless them and receive 50 rupees. Some shop keepers wanted to chase away ‘the bad spirits and evil eyes’ from the shops. Barani was a mistress in such ceremonies and she would do it dramatically with camphor, water and oil. Mmm.. Superstitious believes.

We entered a lane where there were 5 shops. When we came out of the second shop, there was this drunken young rogue guy with a black shirt sitting on his black bike. He was staring at us. A minute later, I found out that he was actually staring at me. When we were about to move out of the lane, he blocked us and said 'All of you go. Let her stay back (pointing at me). I want to talk to her for 10 minutes'. I asked him what he wants from me, why he wants to talk to me. He was constantly looking at my shoulder bag. I wanted to tell him that I had to go. My fellow sisters, didn’t want me to leave alone to that guy. 'Let us move' said Sandhya. We moved away from him and entered a shop on the main street. He wouldn’t go. He was waiting in his bike. When we came out, he caught my hand and said ‘why wouldn’t you talk to me?'. He was drunk and was definitely in the idea of using me. I was shocked and worried. By then Sadhya said, ‘let us go away, catch the bus’. A city bus came and they all ran towards it. I tried to release my hand away from him but he wouldn’t let me go. ‘Wait, don’t go. I won’t leave you unless you spend sometime with me’. He also claimed that he is a local rowdy politicians friend and wellwisher. Must be a sidekick who does anything for money. I was tensed, shocked and terrified at the drama on the street. People were watching. Sandhya got into the bus but the others were waiting and watching me helplessly. Sadhya got down and ran towards an autorickshaw shouting ‘Run, come, lets get into the auto’. Why are they so terrified? Can’t we kick him away, after all he is drunk and alone. But then no time to think.

I forcefully released my hand from him, ran and got into the auto rickshaw. Sadhya shouted at the auto driver 'Speed up!'. We came almost a kilometer away from the place and got into another shop. Sadhya was constantly looking back to see if the guy was following us. He wasn’t. But when we came out of the shop, there he was - looking at us. He came to Soumya and said, 'Either you come with me or let her come. Only ten minutes’. Soumya didn’t show her fear but was pleading ‘we are poor, why do you want to disturb us?'. 'I am not disturbing you, I can help you'. He took a 100 rupee note from his pocket ‘But I want her, or you come with me’ – he said pointing at her and me. This wouldn’t stop and he is drunk. Suddenly Sandhya ran to the otherside of the road, Soumya, Priya and I followed her and ran fast. We got into another auto rickshaw and urged the driver to go to Thiruvanmiyur which is 2 kilometers away. He can’t follow immediately as it is a one way road, he had to take a U-turn. He geared up and drove fast to catch us. We had left the place then. We got down at Thirunavmiyur bus station. He wasn’t following us.

'We couldn’t do anything in his area. But if he comes here, let us not leave him. We need to teach a lesson to men like him. Kalki, you know once in a while we face this kind of difficulties. Usually people are good. But in some areas goondas and political mafias are a problem. They sometimes would go to the extent of kidnapping and raping us. They would also loot our money. Once I was almost tricked and kidnapped. I narrowly escaped from them' said Soumya.

Around 3 in the afternoon, we had lunch in a restaurant, it wasn’t tasty. Again we started going from shop to shop. It was indeed hot and we drank a lot of water wherever we could. Begging isn’t easy. It is hard work and involves many risks. At around 6, we entered a temple, counted and divided the money. I didn’t know what to do with the money. Also I was so tired and needed a shower as soon as possible. We caught a bus and went home to Saidapet.

The day’s experience taught me so many lessons. Begging isn’t easy. It is hardwork. Transgenders always face risk while on ‘duty’. I was happy that I am a part of the working girls and they not only respect me, but also have adopted me as a part of them now. I amn’t different from them in anyway now. That makes me happy. I know their pain. The risks involved. At the same time, my self worth had gone so low. I felt so bad on thinking about what I had done. It was a mixed feeling of feeling good and feeling bad. It was a lesson worth learning at the expense of losing your self worth. I know my fellow sisters pain. That is what matters to me.